Apology

I don't know how to apologize. I don't know how to permanently fix things. I can bury them and pray that it doesn't claw its way up to the surface, but I don't know how to fix them. They will always come around and bite me in the butt. I can't do it. I can't fix everything and sometimes I need help. I don't like asking for help, especially when it is in relation to them. If I have a problem with someone I don't want to be the one to tell them, but I have to. I have to be able to explain why I am unhappy and then make it better. I don't like to tell people something that bothers me because I don't want people to change. I don't want to be the driving force behind someone feeling like they aren't good enough.

Rant.

What I've Gotten Into

This week has been a test of my desire to work on the things I've gotten myself involved in. My show, DM, school, and even my relationship have caused me extra bits of stress this week and have asked (extremely loudly) whether or not I want to do the work it takes to keep up my commitments.

Each have been answered with a resounding yes.

Let us begin with my show. My director is artistically brilliant. He has these big, beautiful ideas that do not fit within a college budget. I hate telling him no. But tonight I finally had to. But we worked, we compromised and eventually we found a solution that both of us would be happy with!

DM is requiring filming at 9 am tomorrow morning. I am NOT a morning person. People die when in my path in the morning. The worse part is that tomorrow is expected to have a wind chill in the negatives be snowing almost all day. Filming will take place outside. This may have been a deal breaker if my co-emcee Ned had not been so incredible. He came up with an absolutely brilliant concept for the video and it makes me want to wake up and film this thing.

School is requiring much more outside work than I thought I signed up for. Yet, my acting project went off without a hitch, my teacher loved my monologue, my narrative class is opening me up to new ways to attack theatre, my painting class gives me four hours of mindless creativity and my poetry class is reminding me why I used to write in the first place.

Relationship. This is my first one in which I have stuck around long enough to experience the out-of-honeymoon phase. I have never had this. So, it was a huge shock for me when, after 7 months, we began to slip out of it. To someone who has never experienced this, I was scared and shocked and uncomfortable. I talked to boyfriend about it and he explained that he didn't love me any less, but rather he is now comfortable with how much he loves me. This was probably the greatest realization of my week. I don't have to be constantly holding his hand or cuddling up in his lap to be happy. The shock wasn't only because I was out of the honeymoon phase but because I was still happy. Plus... we still do crazy little things that remind me of the beginning. We didn't lose the spontaneity and love, we just have to choose moments to be spontaneous and go above and beyond to show love.

My week was big. Maybe the longest week I've had so far this school year. But it was a good one. I have the best of friends to get me through it and I am happy. Stressed? Yes, but happy.

Theta

I have to admit that I am not the best sorority member in the world. I was unable to make a single chapter in the fall due to rehearsals. But I am reminded at least once a year how much I love these girls. Theta is something that I am extremely proud to be a part of even when I sometimes joke that I am way above the whole sisterhood thing. (I am no where near above it) I find that during rush, I fall in love all over again. Theta is full of the most unique and amazing girls I have ever met in my life. Something that has helped and hurt Theta over the years is that we rush individuals and not friend groups. We are very honest about who would be good in our house and won't rush one girl just to get another. While this sometimes results in the loss of some incredible people, it alos leads to a much more bonded pledge class because we are forced to meet so many new people, so many incredible people. Rush brings us all together once again to try and find the next generation of awesome. I am forced to work with girls who I haven't seen in a while and always come out with the closest of friends. Theta doesn't judge. I might not have been around for an entire quarter but I was still loved and appreciated and some beautiful soul would laugh at my pathetically tired jokes. And now it is over and I of course am saying that I will be around more and love these girls more. I said this last year but something is different. Next year I will be a senior. Next year I will be going through this for the last time and I want to stand there crying at the speeches with old friends, not just new ones. So here it goes, 2012. Love at first kite.

making the babies' kites! 

our beautiful baby kites! 

My babies are going to be mommas! I love them so much! 

Rush

This post's title is the reason for my lack of other posts... I will be back as soon as I can.

Sorority Recruitment.

I LOVE KAPPA ALPHA THETA FRATERNITY FOR WOMEN!